Hey, as you all have probably noticed on here and instagram, I have been very very inactive on my accounts. A lot of the reason is yes, because of school- to start the 2018 school year off, not even a couple weeks within the semester I realized that I don't really find art to be a really...fitting career path for me. As other fellow students in an art college know, many classes require you to come up with many ideas and to be creative. That is the basis of being an artist right? Being creative. Showing off that creativity. I feel that is where I lack by a tenfold, I feel my ideas are inferior, and not only that they are extremely hard to get a hold of. Constantly having to be creative and have ideas is where I lack, therefore I felt I cannot be in this career path anymore. So I have been going a couple weeks stressing about a secondary plan since I never had one (at least one that would pay) and I don't know. I have just been taking steps back and realizing how difficult it is to be an adult, and honestly I wish I could revert back to being an irresponsible kid again.
I have also been lacking with my art in general, I am not sure how to explain it. It isn't that I am not drawing, but I just don't have the confidence to show anything. It all feels lackluster, and second rate. I try to motivate myself and say maybe "hey lets work on something great today!" but those usually end up being the days that I go to class, go back to my room, sleep, stare at the wall when I wake up, and do absolutely nothing until I go back to sleep again. I guess I have lost motivation. A lot of the time it is hard to just pick up the pencil and sketchbook and get into it. I cannot even tell how much harder it is to pick up my tablet, as it has gotten older and gotten more issues I just don't even want to deal with it more than half the time. In short, a mixture of low motivation and a 5-6 month long art block is preventing me from being active with my work. I am trying to work on that. Art does make me happy so I should try to incorporate it in my life more.
Social media I have also found to be quite unappealing lately, as most people do over the years of using a platform like deviantart or instagram. Deviantart itself I consider to be a pretty dead platform, and usually I am only on here to commission others. I tend to just empty my inbox because it's full since I don't check it very often, so I tend to skip a lot of messages on accident, and I apologize for that. Also it's more difficult for me to make a connection with people online recently because I have been doing more irl things, and I feel if I make more friends online, then it will be difficult to give them all the same amount of attention they deserve while also giving myself enough free time to do art, spend time with family and friends, nap, play games, etc. So I have really stopped making very deep connections with people online (besides 2) to save myself, and them, the stress. Not to say we can't ever have small talk and chat though, I enjoy meeting new people ;v;.
And lastly a smaller thing, I got bad news about my job and a lot of my income won't be coming in anymore, and I really have no idea what I am going to do about it, I have had the job for 4 years I believe now at a small local radio station. I am just hopeful that I don't have to pick up another job. I would like to think I could take a few commissions, but who knows.
I hope everyone is doing okay, despite all the bad that is going on for me, I have also had a lot of wonderful things happen as well. I have a special person in my life now and idk it makes every day more happier to wake up, and go to sleep to.
/Also thank you all for the birthday wishes!/